- Lyrics
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- Singer Intro
Tim Minchin
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Three Minute Song - Wogan Version
My people rang me up a couple of weeks ago Yeah, I've got people, and a phone, and a grasp on the passage of time Yeah, they rang me up, said 'Tim, will you go on Terry's show? They want you to sing a song; it'll be fine, fine, fine'
But the problem with my particular oeuvre Is that half my songs are five minutes and over And the wisdom here at the BBC Is that people switch off if you go past three And a lot of my songs have a bit of blue language Which causes producers untold anguish It seems their tolerance for smuttiness is reserved For all those pussy puns on 'Are You Being Served'.
And so I…
Need a song that only goes for three minutes Without no bums nor no blasphemy in it A lovely little song specifically written For the delicate skins of middle class Britain
I need a song with a chor us and a verse Without no nasty a-cussing and a-cursing I'm a little too lewd and a little too long I gotta write myself a three minute song
And they said 'Remember, boy, that music is like lovemaking It's simply self-indulgent to take it past three minutes. Remember, boy, that music is like lovemaking Everybody loves a pianist but length must have a limit So you
Need a song that only goes for three minutes Without no pornography or politics in it You're a little verbose and a little bit wrong You gotta find yourself a clean-living three minute song
Three hundred beats at a hundred beats a minute With nice clean jokes and a hoe-down in it Something you can guarantee will generate smiles Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com On the time-honoured dials of the Woganophiles'
And even in the bridge I won't be lyrically adventurous Conceptually offensious Or racially contentious And I won't make double entendres At the expense of the Chinese For China is a country that can bring me to my knees For China For China For China For China For China is a country that will bring us to our knees
Two, three, fore skin
I need a little happy-clappy country song Nice and repetitive and not too long Boring enough but not too boring With a key change here to prevent me snoring
I need a song that is only three minutes Without no buggery or blasphemy in it Something with a pleasing rhyme and rhythm Well if you can't beat'em get conservative with 'em
I need a song that causes no offence To flog more tickets to my concerts By pretending for a while that satirical song Hasn't moved on since Flanders and Swann That comedy shouldn't have moved beyond the Use of 'back door' as a double entendre That issues of taste should be defined By the comments page of 'The Mail Online' 'Cos I've got a show and I wanna get you in it So don't touch your knob – ha ha ha – I'll be done in three minutes.
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